Human Personal Development. Module 3: Relationships

THE EPISTEMIC BASIS OF HUMAN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

MODULE 3: RELATIONSHIPS

(Slides)

Life is all about Relationships. Aristotle implied this when he said humans are social animals.

• No one socializes alone. We socialise with others and that is what relationship is all about.

• Sadly, there is a serious deficiency of relationships in our society today. 

1. Among adults: High level of Stress leading to an increase in stress-related illness

2. The excessive need for love and affection among young people is one of the root causes of child abuse and molestation from non-immediate family members.

3. Suicide of both adults and children is a sign that society is failing in relationships, or spiritual quotient is very low. Sadly, the suicide rate is higher among educated/learned persons

WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?

• A relationship is a Person-Connectedness. It implies Affiliation, Attachment, and association. 

• The kind or degree of relationship you have with a Person expresses the degree of Affiliation you have with the person:

• (A) Human Beings: Parents, Siblings, Co-Tenants, Neighbours, Colleagues, Spouse, Children, Relatives, In-Laws, Business Associates, Courting/Dating, etc.

• (B) Ancestors/Saints 

• (C) Angels/Demons 

• (D) The Supreme Being

DERIVING THE RULES FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1. Mutual Love and respect for a person’s Being/Personality (embodied or Disembodied).
   

2. Human Beings are Temperamental: Knowing yours and that of others is very important.

3. Background: Know the extent of the Social, Cultural, and religious background influence of human beings.

 

FAMILY:

1. The Family:

The first major relationship we have is that of our family. The depth of this relationship is foundational. Suppose the foundation of this relationship (which is by blood/birth/adoption) is not very deep, concrete, and solid, then, In that case, it will negatively influence any other relationship we will engage in (embodied or disembodied). Relationships at this level, when deeply rooted in the values of love (that further gives birth to patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, tolerance, empathy, understanding, and so on) and mutual respect for the unique personality of each member of the family, helps the individual cope with the challenges of human existence.

REMEMBER: Children learn by example.

The Workplace, Friends, Colleagues, Business Partners, etc.

• Relationships here is with persons of Different Backgrounds.

• Cordial: There is Love, truthfulness and tolerance

• Competition: For some people, life is essentially competitive. Such persons may play dirty and may not help create the enabling environment for the mutual growth and development of others.

• War: For some other persons, life is war. The other is seen as a potential enemy (physical or spiritual) who should be treated with suspicion so that one’s life is not cut short suddenly. For such persons every word or body language is suspect, and the environment is made tense.

 

DAY 2

 

DATING

• For Young Persons who are not yet married, the relationship called dating has marriage, and ultimately family life in view. Dating can be negative or positive. Let us begin with negative .dating

 

• Dating can be Other Centred or Self Centred:

Other centred. You want to know if the person you are dating is good enough to be your spouse. Your concentration is on the temperamental strengths and weaknesses of the person you are dating, his or her family challenges or status, social and religious background, etc. 

 

Self-Centred

You are trying out your skills in interpersonal relationships to know your strengths and weaknesses so that you can improve on your strengths and minimize your weaknesses as much as you can.

• The emphasis is on you and not the person you are dating. 

• Your proposal to her, or your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to his proposal will depend on your ability to manage the other person with the person’s personality.

• You are proposing to her, or saying yes to him, because she/he is someone you can love and respect, and your dreams and aspirations are compatible.

• So, dating is an exercise. The major challenge with dating to acquire skills is Sexual Intercourse. You need to make up your mind about your cultural and religious beliefs and practices on how you want to go about that.

COURTSHIP: Intensified Dating: marriage preparations, number of children, training of children, relationship with extended family members, finance, domestic duties, etc.  

 

• MARRIAGE: The relationship with one’s Spouse has always been a very complex one among heterosexuals. It is even more complex now that we seem to be living in a world of conflicting values and the inclusion of homosexuals. But the values of love and respect are not yet being contested. 

1. Your love quotient:

What is the degree of the quality of the love you have invested in your marriage? How would you rate your degree of forgiveness, empathy, tolerance, understanding, patience, kindness, etc. to your spouse?

2. Mutual Respect: This is fundamental, especially to the man. Men understand love as respect. While all men desire respect, the degree of respect needed varies from one man to another.

 

3. Take Care of Your Appearance Always: There is the saying that ‘women are all ears’ (so tell her how beautiful she looks, etc), while ‘men are all looks’ (so look good always for him).

 

4. Be a Provider or a Helper: The man is the Provider. So, provide for the family. The woman is the Helper. So be a helper to your husband who is not a subordinate.

 

5. Spend Quality Time Together: Discuss with your spouse his or her love map, plans, and worries. The advent of children distances spouses. Sexual needs may diminish with time, but you need to find a way to meet those of your spouse if his/her desire has not diminished. Finally, make time to pray together no matter how short the prayer may be.

 

Priests, Pastors, Religious, Imams, Indigenous Doctors

 

• Called within a Religious Body/Group
• May be called to start a religious group (Christianity)
• Representing God or Standing in place of God?
• Human Limitations and Communal Life
• Discerning a Genuine Calling (The Problem of Revelation)

 

Sylvester Idemudia Odia, Ph.D (CEO)